Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Candlelight Vigil?

No, it's the Youngest Boy terrorizing the neighbors.

All goes well...

Straight up in the air...

Til this one...

It hits the side of the neighbor's house... "OOOOOPS, OUR BAD!!"

Happy New Year Everyone!!!

my sig

Monday, December 29, 2008

Dismantling Christmas

So the Martha Stewart pics of our Christmas have been posted. You know the ones...carefully composed shots making sure there are no piles of junk in the background. Dirty socks and shoes are tossed to the side and the pictures taken in the kitchen have no dirty dishes in them.

Now it's time to dismantle Christmas. The decorations that were so carefully put up are now being thrown in boxes to be put away until next year. Driven by the overwhelming desire to "get everything back to normal." Even though the word 'normal' is a misnomer. One day I will tell you about my 'normal' ex-life and why I chose to be an orphan.

The pictures that don't usually make it into the scrapbooks and blogs can be seen below.

When Shrinky Dinks go wrong.

The good thing about the Snoopy scene being permanently baked onto my toaster oven sheet is that I can feel the joy of the Christmas Season, year round with every piece of toast.


my sig

Saturday, December 27, 2008

The Bestest Christmas Present Ever!

Lookie what I got for Christmas!

This is NO ORDINARY LIGHT. This happens to be the most wonderful thing I have ever seen.

Glen Woodfin sent it to me and I am fighting with my kids (and Mr. Twisted) over it. I have news for them...IT'S MINE!

If you want one of your own, you can get it here at Don't touch mine...mine...MINE!

The first thing I did after charging it was shine it in the sky in the back yard. Then, I went to the front porch and started shining it in the windows of the neighbors. Mr. Twisted freaked out but I calmly explained to him that they WEREN'T HOME. Sheesh.

Check out the park across the culdesac...

With a minor alteration, this is what my family is going to have to use to call me when I descend into the BatCave.

my sig

Monday, December 22, 2008

I'm not wrapping it and you can't make me

I got my husband a new penis for Christmas.

He gets frustrated because I have set up all the electronics and it's not so easy to watch TV, watch a DVD, anymore.

I helped him pick out the 50inch Samsung DLP when we were dating. I even went down to Charter and switched out his cable box for an HD DVR the Friday before the Superbowl. I was in BestBuy the next day listening to the salesmen tell all the men (with horrified looks on their faces) that it was too late for an HD Superbowl...Charter was closed...too bad they didn't have a girlfriend who ROCKS! (That was a quote from Mr. Twisted)

Now that we have merged and he married a girl techno geek wannabe, we have a DVD Recorder, Receiver for surround sound, and the HD DVR.

This has pushed Mr. Twisted over the edge...the remotes alone are maddening.

I have tried to program the Charter remote but it just WON'T WORK. It will work for me and then Mr. Twisted touches it and it loses all the settings. WTF?

So I bought him......


Those are real Angels singing in the background, not the surround sound!

Here is the problem. I decided to set this sucker up before I wrapped it, It has a rechargeable battery so I charged it first. Then I tried to set it up on my computer and I think my dvd drive is screwed up on my laptop. I can't autoplay nor explore and install software from it. Any real geeks out there have an idea? Anyway...

I finally got the software installed after downloading it from the Logitech website and couldn't get my computer to see the remote. After Googling the problem, I used a USB cord that was NOT included with the remote and it worked. (Weird huh?)

Then there was MAGIC.

I click on the touchscreen (watch TV) and BOOM, TV and DVR come on...I click the touchscreen again (Watch DVD) and the DVR turns off, the Receiver turns on, and we have a MOVIE!!!

I am glad I set it up before Christmas, that would be a pain on Christmas morning struggling with the USB issue and my computer dvd drive issue, but now it's all set up.

Problem number 2...

I stayed up til 2am last night after everyone had gone to bed, just switching channels and going from TV to DVD. It even comes with it's own little polishing cloth for fingerprints.

I don't want to wrap it and you can't MAKE ME!

my sig

Saturday, December 20, 2008

why animals eat their young

This week was the last week in school before the Winter Break. The kids had semester exams and a crazy daily schedule.

The Youngest boy, who had pneumonia over the Thanksgiving Holidays, had no more absences left. (If you miss more than 9 days, the schools system decides whether or not they will give you credit for the semester)

Of course, The Youngest Boy did not understand the magnitude of this even though he had missed exactly 9 days.

Text Messages from school...

Boy: "Can you check me out, we aren't doing anything. My teacher is even letting us text."
Me: "No, you can't miss any more days."
Boy: "But I didn't bring anything to do."
Me: "I can't help it."
Boy: "Everyone is LEAVING."
Me: "If you go home now, you will get to spend the entire year next year in the 10th grade, AGAIN. Stop texting me."

Then comes the message...

"U stupid bitch."

I know what you are thinking...The Youngest Boy doesn't need to think about repeating the grade...he needs to start thinking about how long it's going to take for him to sit down again.

"I didn't send that message I swear, someone else had my cell phone and sent it!"

Of course I didn't respond. The only thing that kept me from driving up to the school and beating his ass in front of all of his classmates was the fact that he never sends text messages using "U".

The next day, I get this from The Youngest Boy, his friend had given it to him to give to me.

I like the Leslie comment.

my sig

Thursday, December 18, 2008


So now I have blog Stage Fright. I know that I am no UberBlogger but I was feeling pretty good about myself, my blog and my 38 followers.

Then yesterday, there were 37, then today...


Which really puts the pressure on. Why did they stop following me? What did I do? Are they 'cat people'? Maybe they don't like anything French, including dogs?

Of course, I went to Mr. Twisted to bore him talk to him about it.

Me: I had two people quit following my blog.
Mr. Twisted: Well, your blog has not been really good lately.
Me: How would you know, you don't even read it.
Mr. Twisted: I know because you haven't been making me listen to you read it to me.
Me: Well, it's hard to come up with something funny when people are dropping like flies.
Mr. Twisted: Maybe it's time for a Coaching change.

Of course, Mr. Twisted is referring to the Auburn debacle coaching change.

Here are my thoughts on that...

1. Apparently, Auburn is not ready for a qualified, African American coach (Turner Gill).

2. Even when Alabama was at what most fans feel is their lowest point...the women had "Eye Candy".

3. We have to look at this...and LOSE TOO?

4. At least we have some "eye candy" to look at during the Alabama/Auburn game...

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Retarded Shopping

I was in Best Buy, picking up the now-repaired camera The Oldest Boy dropped. (6 days after the promised return time) and I was sucked in by the sexuality of all the electronic toys.

Okay, so electronics do it for me...I know it's twisted.

Anyway, I had one of their retarded shopping carts that has the loooong bottom part and the short buggy part so that every time I turned a corner, the bottom part knocked something over. I looked like a dufus.

I was shopping for games that the Boys wanted and I got really confused. The Youngest Boy claims the XBox 360 and The Oldest Boy claims the Wii. The Oldest Boy wants Guitar Hero III World Tour for Wii and I snagged it. Thought I got a great deal too! $59

Later, I was on the phone with a friend who called me from Best Buy. (you always have to have a 'phone a friend' while shopping) "Does Singstar come on XBox?"

I google it, "Nope, it's only Playstation" and then she said...

Her: "They must have raised the price on World Tour, it's $99 now."
Me: "What? No way."
Her: "Yeah, the Legends of Rock is $59.'
Me: "Uh-oh, Let me call you back."

Youngest Boy is on the sofa while this is going on.

I run out to the car (I hide all gifts in my trunk til I can wrap them) and I look. I bought Legends of Rock for the XBox 360. Wrong on two counts.

I come back in and call her back..."Damn, I bought the wrong one."

I look over at The Youngest Boy, and I ask...

Me: "How about you, do you want Legends of Rock for the 360?"
Youngest Boy: After laughing for a few minutes, "Mom, that's just lazy."

Well, I tried. He knows how much I despise returning things!

my sig

Saturday, December 13, 2008

It's a GIRL!

We're having a BABY!

Well, not's a furry baby. But I feel like we're expecting with all the ups and downs that comes with having a real baby.

It goes something like this.

Me: "Are we really ready to do this?"
Mr Twisted: "Can we afford a baby right now?"
Me: "Sure, and besides, you can't put a price on love."
Mr. Twisted: "It's going to be your responsibility, right?" (ok, men don't actually SAY that, they kinda take it for granted)
Me: "Of course." (and women say that knowing that there is going to be a shared responsibility of diaper changing and feeding.)

So, I have the same nervous butterflies after finding out we are really expecting!

"What have I done? "What if something goes wrong? What if something is wrong with her? I liked my freedom, I liked sleeping through the night..."

I get to start thinking about the fun things, the 'nesting'. The cute little things I get to buy!

1. Doggie Bed
2. Cute little pink collar
3. Massive quantities of chew toys
4. Little doggie shirt that says "I'm so effing cute!"

I can't wait!

my sig

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Okay people, I need some feedback.

I have taken the last exam of this semester. I tanked it.

I am still wondering how a professor can say "you don't need to know the exact numbers of the "Rules of Evidence" and then ask a question like "this would be excluded under 612, or 402"

I'm like Wah????

SO here is the question, I miss my Dixie.

She died Summer 07 and we have been puppyless since then. We have 2 cats and 2 bunnies which are relatively low maintenance.

But here is the sweetie who has presented herself to me...

She's a French Bulldog, and will eventually look like this...

Or maybe not EXACTLY like that, she could wear a pink tu-tu.

So what do you think? Am I ready for a baby?

my sig

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Monday, December 8, 2008

The daily dose...

I just found this new toolbar from Emusic. You install it and every day there is a free music download. OR, don't download it and just bookmark this link.

So now my mornings go like this...

Click - Blog stats at GoogleAnalytics (no coincidence that there is the word ANAL in there)
Click - (oooh I need one of those!)
Click - Givewaway of the day (nothing like bloating your computer with free software)
Click - Twitter, read 673 tweets made while I was sleeping
Click - Twitterless (hey, someone qwit me)
Click - Emusic
Click - Email (do I have any blog comments?)

And I do that last because by now, it's noon.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Coca-Cola how can you do this?

Mr. Twisted is not a happy man right now. We have been out of Black Cherry Fresca since Thanksgiving. I have been looking for it everywhere. Can't find any.

I called the local Coca-cola bottling plant to see what was up.

Apparently, they aren't going to sell it anymore.


I can't believe it, I mean, we buy enough ourselves to justify production!

Conversation last night:

Me: "They aren't going to sell Black Cherry Fresca anymore."
Mr. Twisted: "What? Are you kidding me?"
Me: "That is what the Coke guy said"
Mr. Twisted: "Then I don't want to drink Vodka anymore."
Me: "What?"
Mr. Twisted: "I don't, I like it with Black Cherry Fresca and that's it."
Me: "Okay, well....don't think for a minute I am going to join your Vodka Fast."

Hey COKE PEOPLE...You hear that??? The Vodka industry is going to suffer, don't you need to do what you can to help the economy???

my sig

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Ever have days like this?

Does your grocery list ever look like this?
Or how about...


Mr. Twisted kept a grocery list I made when we were dating.

paper towels
toilet paper
lawn mower

thankfully, they had everything I needed!

my sig

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Best Buy?

It's that time of year, the time of year when people get really frustrated and customer service starts to tank.

In today's economy, I don't understand why things are getting worse instead of better. I guess for the local BestBuy it's because CompUSA closed it's doors and Circuit City is in Chapter 11. There isn't really any competition around.

That can't even be an excuse because I order online all the time so that I can STAY OUT of the stores around Christmas. My UPS guy despises loves me.

Last year, I ordered Guitar Hero III from BestBuy for the boys for Christmas. A week before Christmas we are coming home and as we are pulling in the driveway, we see this sitting on the front porch.

How thoughtful of them to save a tree and all but somewhere in the thought processes of someone's brain there should have been a red flag.

Something like "Hey, it's the middle of December and this MAY BE A GIFT!?"

"Nah, it's not a gift, just slap a label on it and on to the next order."

This year, The Oldest Boy dropped his new Canon 40D he got for Graduation. The UV filter broke on the lens and scratched it. It also can't be removed.

We took the camera back to BestBuy, (we bought the accidental breakage protection) and they told us the camera and lens had to be shipped off. That was 11/22/08, it was supposed to be back today, 12/04/08.

According to the website, they didn't get it in for repair until 12/2/08. So much for being here today. And exactly where was it until then?

Last weekend I ordered a 1T external hard drive from them and specified that I would pick it up at the store. This was an INCREDIBLE deal at $149 and the very next day and even today it is selling for $259.

I get to the store last night (they give you 8 days to pick it up) and guess what? They can't find it.

Luckily, there happened to be one on the shelf.

So I ask you guys this, when BestBuy starts to go under in this economy, are they going to be asking us the Government to bail them out?

Are we going to sit back and be treated the way we have been treated by GM, Ford, BestBuy or whoever and then SAVE them to keep them from going out of business?

Who saves the small guy, the local massage therapist, family photographer? If they treat their customers like crap, no one bails them out.

But hey, I may be wrong...maybe I'm the only person ever screwed by Ford, or BestBuy.

my sig

Monday, December 1, 2008

What am I doing???

Can someone tell me who in the hell cares about the law anyway?

Who cares about property? Pretty soon, no one will be able to own anything anyway...

Who cares about freedom of speech when you can't put the next meal on the table.

So what am I doing here studying for final exams....I need to just quit school and paint.

I think I could so paint....I could do that....

my sig