Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Another Brick in the Wall...or a Brick to the Head?

Classic Quotes from Californication on Showtime:

Rebecca (daughter dressed in school girl uniform) - "Parents who truly love their children make sacrifices to homeschool them."

Hank - "May the force be with you my preppy goth princess."
"Hey, whatever you do, don't be another brick in the wall."

This got me thinking...after I stopped laughing.

I hate Public School.

There, I said it.

I have had zero experience with private school so I can't comment. I only know what I know.

Public School is ruining our children.

Sure, I am no super mom. I have done what I can in my children's lives and in their schools. I have volunteered, been on the PTO Board, donated money to, been engaged in...and I am SICK OF IT.

I know that there are some moms out there saying "aww, it will never be that way for me" I know you are, I have been there...I have said it. I was wrong.

I have seen the most horrible things in my 13.25 years of public education and it keeps getting worse. So here is a tidbit about an experience I had a few years ago.

IMMUNIZATION

Did you know that your child cannot attend public school (even though it is the law that they go) if they do not have all their immunizations current? Don't get me wrong, my kids are up to date. They always have been but I swear, this is a true story.

When the Oldest Boy was in middle school he got sick over the summer and I took him to our family doctor. While we were there (remember, it was summer) I asked about what immunizations he was going to have to get to be current for school. She told me that he was about to be due for his Tetanus booster and asked me if I wanted to go ahead and get it done.

Of COURSE, I said...the Oldest Boy HATES needles and would have made himself sick over the rest of the summer dreading the shot...this is no lie either. He even teared up when I told her to go ahead and do it.

And it was done, and school started and life was good...

That's when IT started.

Ring Ring:

Me: Hello?
Nurse: This is Nurse Bozo, did you know your son needs to have a Tetanus Booster?
Me: No, he had that done over the summer, he's current.
Nurse: Well, we have to have the Blue Form. updated. You need a new Blue Form.
Me: Well, how do I get one?
Nurse: I don't know, we just need it.
Me: Okay...fine...I will get one.

Ring Ring:

Doc: Doctor's office.
Me: I need to get an updated Blue Form for my son. He had a Tetanus Booster over the summer and the school needs a new Blue Form.
Doc: Well, we don't do Blue Forms.
Me: Well, where do I get one?
Doc: I guess the Health Department. They won't give them to us.
Me: Okay, thanks.

Ring Ring:

Government DingDong: Health Department?
Me: I need to get an updated Blue Form for my son. He had a Tetanus Booster over the summer and the school needs a new Blue Form.
DingDong: Did he get his booster at the Health Department?
Me: No, he got it at the doctor's office.
DingDong: Oh, well we can't give out a Blue Form for a shot given at a doctor's office.
Me: The school needs a Blue Form.
DingDong: The doctor needs to give you a Blue Form.
Me: *sigh*

Then the real world takes over where I am the mom in a miserable marriage (the first one) and going to college (for the second time) and raising 2 boys basically alone. Groceries, laundry, dinner, midterms, science projects, etc.

Ring Ring:

Answering Machine: Hello, this is Nurse Bozo, I just wanted to tell you that if we don't have the Blue Form by next tuesday, your son will be expelled. Thank you.

Expelled? Are you freakin kidding me? It's TETANUS! It's not a communicable disease!

Ring Ring:

Nurse: Nurse Bozo.
Me: Hello, you left me a message saying that my son will be expelled if we don't have a Blue Form.
Nurse: Yes, that's right.
Me: He has had the shot, the doc says they can't get the forms from the Health Department, the Health Department says they can't give me a Blue Form unless they gave the shot. Will you take a letter from the doc that the shot was given?
Nurse: No, we have to have the Blue Form.
Me: *sigh* I AM NOT MAKING HIM GET THE SHOT AGAIN.
Nurse: We have to have the Blue Form.

Ring Ring:

Answering Machine: Hello, this is Nurse Bozo, we still don't have your Blue Form.
Your son will be expelled from school if we don't have the Blue Form.

Ring Ring:

Me on Nurse Bozo's voicemail:
I CANNOT get a Blue Form. He has had the shot. I don't know what else to say. I don't have the time or energy to correct this mess. I guess we will just have to get a RELIGIOUS EXEMPTION SO YOU WILL STOP BOTHERING US.

Ring Ring:

Answering Machine:
Hello, this is Nurse Bozo. We need the Blue Form. You can't just go get a religious exemption, YOU CAN'T JUST DO THAT. *insert really nasty tone here*

The next day, I am at the Health Department:

Me: I need to get a Religious Exemption for Immunizations.
DingDong#2: Okay, just sign here, how many would you like?
Me: How about 2? One for the Youngest Boy too?
DingDong#2: Here ya go, have a nice day!

I personally took the forms, which were white, by the way, to the school. I never heard another word about it. When the Oldest Boy graduated, I got the Blue Form back in his graduation folder...on it was written...

"Mom doesn't have time to deal with this. Nurse Bozo"

Me: One
School: Zero


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5 comments:

Legal Diva said...

LOL!!! I laughed so hard I nearly cried. Here in TN we have the "green form". Except that my doctors office won't hand fill out the "green form" and just does a computer printout on plain white paper. Mind you, it has the *exact* same information on it, down to all the little boxes. But the school *still* gets tore up that it isn't on the "green form". I once asked them if they'd like me to photocopy it onto green paper just to make them happy. And btw- we got the same letter when my son started K this year "if we don't have your green form he will not be able to attend school after 9-1". I think they teach that class in school nurse schools around the country. :)

Tenakim said...

Ok now you're just freaking me out! I am really considering public high school for my son after 9 years at Catholic School.

Terri said...

Nurse Bozo no longer calls. You get nasty letters mailed to your home. And they call out your child in homeroom and tell him that if the form isn't sent in they child will be expelled.

I'll go one about this at my place, it's too long for a comment.

*beavis voice* hehehehe...my word verification is pyehol

Sabrae said...

While I dont have kids and never have to go thru this I just love the way you handled it!!! I laughed so hard!!! that was great!!

Heather said...

Oh, you *know* from my blog how much I am HAAAAAAATING our local public school system. And this with my daughter merely a kindergartener!

We even had a pre-starting K issue with the health forms (for us, there was a blue one, a yellow one, a green one AND a pink one). Our ped's office had the utter audacity to make a copy of Kiddo's immunization record rather than transpose all the info (going back to, you know, her BIRTH five years ago) onto whichever pastel form that info was supposed to be submitted officially per the SD's requirement. When the school called to discuss this issue of noncompliance with me, I did actually laugh. Fortunately, they ultimately accepted the copy-stapled-to-the-official-form I'd submitted.

Maybe *that* is why they're giving me such endless trouble and frustration over Kiddo's IEP now... Hmmmm.