Thursday, October 16, 2008

Things not to do while drinking!

I invent things in my head. The shower head for teens...one beep after 5 minutes, ice cold water after 10. A toothbrush that screams if it doesn't get wet by a certain time in the morning or at night.

AND, a Breathalyzer connected to your computer.

1 glass of wine = all things function
2 glasses of wine = all credit card fields are inactive
3 glasses of wine = all online forums become inactive
4 glasses of wine = no email

I know this sounds harsh but have YOU ever gotten an email from a teacher, co-worker, frienemy, Ex, that you HAD to answer when you really knew you shouldn't but it was the 'wine' talking?

Google came up with something for stupid drunks, and stupid people. You have to answer a math question before you can send an email. Even while drinking, I could beat it.

I would just sign up for Yahoo Mail. Duh, Drunk does not mean stupid.

First of all, I can't do math unless it's "full price is X, 40% off of X is Y! As in "Y did you buy another Halloween decoration?" (more about THAT in another post)

So, that feature would be lost on me.

One shouldn't make ring tones for their phones while drinking either...
The next day, they aren't that funny when you are in the grocery store and your friend calls you and "SO WHAT? I'M STILL A ROCK STAR...." screams from your purse. OR, you show up for a meeting at the High School and Elton John's "THE BITCH IS BACK" starts playing from your pocket.

Maybe after 5 glasses of wine, all you can do is watch cheese age.


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2 comments:

dadthedude said...

Dude, I LOVED the shower head idea. I have a solid rule about using my blackberry while drunk. Much too easy to reply to that email while in the bar... learned that one the hard way.

Great post - enjoyed it much.

Jodi said...

I know of which I speak...
How about when you are in a Catholic Church for a Eucharisic Minister meeting and on the highest volume level "Crazy Train" comes blaring out of your purse? The beginning part "Allll Aboard..Ha ha ha ha" --->I was mortified. I forgot to shut the phone off before I went in.

Now about the drunk emails and phone calls. I have done both. I find I'm very eloquent when I do it, yet I hold nothing back.